TITLE: Wishful Thinking
AUTHOR: E.D.
RATING: PG-13 (if that) for language
CATEGORY: MSR, Mulder angst
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance
SPOILERS: The Truth, missing scene
SUMMARY: Skinner tries to soften the  blow.
FEEDBACK: enigmatic76@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: No ownership, no profit.

Thanks to akajake for the great beta.

WISHFUL THINKING

Skinner stepped into the cell tentatively, keeping his eyes 
fixed on the floor as the guard shut the door.

"Look, I'm sorry about the wisecrack earlier.  You may be 
bald, but you're far from beautiful."

"Mulder, sit down for a minute.  We need to talk."

Mulder sat on the floor, arms around his bent legs.  From his 
vantage point, Skinner could see all of his bravado seeping 
away, leaving a beaten, broken man slumped over on the 
concrete.  He wondered if he could do what he had 
promised.

Slowly, Skinner sat on the floor, trying to get as comfortable 
as possible.

"She hasn't been the same since you were abducted."

"Neither have I.  A lot has happened, but she's just as strong 
as she's ever been."  

"Mulder, I know you care about...love, her.  That may be 
preventing you from seeing what has changed."

"Why the sudden concern?"  Mulder jumped to his feet and 
started pacing, cutting jagged paths back and forth through 
the cell.

With a huff of effort, Skinner rose slowly to his feet and 
leaned against the rough concrete wall.

"When you were abducted she was distraught, using all of 
her time to search for you.  She didn't think about herself or 
the baby for weeks.  Her mother actually called me, asking 
me to intervene, to get her to sleep for more than a couple of 
hours at a time.  Agent Scully wouldn't listen to me until she 
fell asleep at the wheel in the middle of the morning and 
jumped a curb."

"She never told me about that," Mulder whispered, stopping 
his pacing.  

Skinner wondered if Mulder was recollecting Scully's 
abduction.

"She came in later that night a different person.  A few days 
later, I noticed that your nameplate wasn't on your desk.  
She never admitted it, but she was starting to lose hope that 
you'd be returned and wanted to save whatever part of you 
she could."

"William."  Mulder smiled.

"When she buried you, the baby was all that kept her alive.  
If she hadn't been carrying him..."

"I know" was the whispered reply.  Mulder studied Skinner.  
"Why are we talking about this?"

"When you left this time, she tried to carry on, but taking care 
of William and worrying about you took its toll on her."

"You're avoiding my question."  Mulder stepped closer.

"I'm getting there, Agent," Skinner snapped.

"Go on.  Please, but get to the point."  

Skinner wouldn't look up from the floor.

"Eventually, people started coming out of the woodwork 
trying to get to William.  He was abducted and we thought 
you were dead.  And then there's Spender."

"Not that black lunged bastard."  

Skinner looked up to see the younger agent's eyes flashing 
green with uncontrolled anger.  His fists were clenched, his 
fingernails surely drawing blood from his palms.

"No, Jeffrey Spender.  He came to Agent Scully, 
impersonating you.  The charade didn't last long, but he 
really had an impact."

"Why did she believe him at all?" Mulder asked 
incredulously.

"He'd been tortured, but unlike Marita, he'll never be the 
same.  He is unrecognizable, barely human.  Agent Scully 
examined him.  Whatever was keeping her together left her 
completely.  A few days later, she called Agent Doggett, 
Agent Reyes, her mother, and me over to her apartment."

Mulder watched Skinner, who had his arms crossed over his 
chest.

"Mulder, when she opened the door that day, I saw in her 
eyes what I saw the night we found your body.  She was 
broken and empty.  After getting us all seated, she slowly 
told us that when she was examining Spender, she felt a 
crushing fear that she was seeing William's fate."

Skinner looked up to see a tear streaking down Mulder's 
cheek.  He wondered if Mulder felt Scully's pain or if he had 
figured out where this was going.  Either way, he had to say 
the words that Scully couldn't.

"Scully asked me to come here today because she knows 
that she'll never survive seeing your reaction.  Mulder, she 
decided to give William up for adoption.  I arranged it."

The only reply was Mulder's knees hitting the floor as he 
crashed to the ground.  Skinner watched, swiping away his 
own tears as they dripped down past his glasses.  He 
continued to watch Mulder cry and shake.  The occasional 
ragged gasp cut the silence.  Tiny strips of sunlight drifted 
across the floor as the afternoon passed.  

Finally, Skinner crouched next to the younger man, who was 
rocking back and forth on his knees, with his forehead 
pressed to the floor.

"I should never have left.  This is my fault," Mulder cried as 
he slowly pulled himself up to a sitting position.  

Skinner couldn't help a small, sad smile.  Agent Scully had 
predicted this response.  "No, it's the result of many years of 
torture that you were both subjected to."

"I should have been there.  We could have been strong for 
each other.  Protected William better."  Mulder slumped over, 
holding his head in his hands.

"Mulder, I know you may not think this now, but this is the 
best solution.  She couldn't do it alone any longer and she 
didn't think you'd ever make it back.  Even together back in 
D.C., I don't think you could have protected him."

"How can you say that?  Who are these people who have 
him now?  If they even know about his abilities and the 
danger, how can they protect him better than we can?  I 
can't believe she did this without me!"  His voice was 
booming as his rage finally surfaced, "I WANT HER TO GET 
HIM BACK!  TELL ME WHERE HE IS!!"

"I don't know.  We wanted to hide him..."

Blind fury finally drove Mulder to run head-first into Skinner, 
ramming him into the wall.  Skinner felt the blows and 
listened to the maniacal screaming.  Errant punches landed 
on the concrete wall; Skinner watched as dots of Mulder's 
blood appeared on his shirt to mark each hit.  Although he 
knew he could never absorb all of Mulder's pain and anger, 
he was willing to try.  Bruises and blood were nothing 
compared to keeping his promise.  

As Mulder tired, he started mumbling, mostly to himself.  
"Our baby...he was our baby.  Not just hers.  Both of us.  
Why did she give up?  Must be dying inside.  So strong, still 
so strong...love them both so much."

Finally, Mulder quieted and stood still, swaying slightly.

"We need to get him back.  Otherwise, I'm no better than my 
father.  And Scully will never forgive herself."

"If we can get you out of here and you and Scully agree to 
disappear, I can give you the information you'll need to 
contact my Marine buddy.  One of his friends and his wife 
has William away from civilization.  I'm not sure where, but 
he assured me it's out of the way.  He'll be waiting for you to 
call.  If something goes wrong, the adoptive parents will raise 
William as their own the best they can.  I've been making 
some preparations for the two of you, hoping that we can get 
you out of here."

"That may be wishful thinking."

"We'll find a way.  We have to."

END